The Struggle to Know

It’s been 10 months since my wife and I said goodbye to our beloved husky mix, Nilla. I’ve resisted writing about her because the tribute column and video that Terrie wrote says it all.

In hindsight, I do think there is an important aspect of Nilla’s life to share in a blog post—answering the question with older pets who do not have an obvious, immediate illness: “How do you know when it’s their time?”

Nilla was only my second dog—and the first who I “raised.” My daughter, Sydney, and I got her from our local animal shelter in February 2009 at 12 weeks, some six months after the family dog, Sara, who lived with my ex-wife, died when struck by a vehicle.

Syd was 16 at the time and had promised she would do everything for the dog, who she anointed with the perfect name. But I knew, of course, that this would be my dog, if for no other reason than Sydney had just two more years before college. And she was 16. Did I mention that? Sorry, Syd. Nilla quickly became my dog.

Last March, Nilla was 14 years and 4 months, a pretty remarkable run for a large dog. She was coping with the effects of Cushing’s disease, which manifested in her as a kind of anxiety, largely around sounds. She also had overcome cancer (a soft tissue sarcoma) at age 12. We didn’t think anything specific was going on medically.

My son, Alex, had come home from Budapest, Hungary, where he lives, for a three-week visit and spent joyous time with Nilla; in fact, we were delighted when both of the kids came for a full day together. There was energy and clear happiness in Nilla’s demeanor. Her mood turned back, literally, the day he left. The image with this blog is Nilla looking detached as Alex prepared to leave.

A few days later, the morning after a second disastrously difficult wake-up in which she needed a full-body bath because of incontinence (and Nilla hated being wet), I got onto the internet. I found an article called “10 Signs Your Dog May Be Ready To Cross The Rainbow Bridge” on the “iheartdogs” website. It said if your dog met three of the 10 signs, it probably meant it was time to speak with your veterinarian.

I thought the article would help Terrie and me confirm why our beloved Nilla was not yet ready to cross, especially because the very first of the 10 signs was “eating.” Nilla had her fits and starts in eating, but overall was doing great with her food. Terrie had taken to making Nilla some natural supplements to dog food; sometimes that was her entire meal. She loved it.

The second sign was “extreme weight loss,” which certainly gave us pause, as Nilla had dropped over her last couple of years from 74 pounds (her ideal weight) to 55.

The third sign was “chronic pain,” and Nilla for more than a year had struggled to get up and down, rising oh so gingerly.

The fourth sign was “loss of interest.” The article suggested making a list of five things our dog loved doing when she was at her best. We fondly came up with long walks, greeting Daddy at the door, getting excited to play, doing tricks, being out socially for people and other animals, watching TV (especially dogs on TV) with her family. The article said if a dog doesn’t do three out of the five, she was losing interest. In March 2023, Nilla didn’t do any. This was when we began to cry.

The fifth sign was “mood changes.” Though Nilla had not become aggressive, she did not delight in being around others as she did before, and we had stopped taking her to her favorite “dog bar,” a popular downtown brew pub, six months earlier.

The sixth sign was “social withdrawal,” which was described as withdrawing from the family. For nearly a year, Nilla after dinner consistently drifted to our bedroom, where she lay alone rather than watch television or spend time with us. When we went to bed, she ambled up and moved back out to the living room.

The seventh sign was “incontinence.” We had attributed Nilla’s fecal incontinence, which she’d had for several months, to her trouble rising, and we simply adjusted to cleaning up. She probably just couldn’t make it to the door in time, we reasoned.

The eighth sign was “breathing problems,” something Nilla never had.

The ninth sign was “loss of coordination.” Nilla had struggled at times with her footing in previous months. We attributed that to long fur on her paws, as we had to stop taking her to be groomed because it was so stressful for her.

The 10th sign was “trouble standing.” Nilla had that struggle, too. But she always managed to get up.

The bottom line was that Nilla met eight of the 10 signs that it could be a dog’s time. Terrie and I talked, and our tears flowed again. We knew. And we did not hesitate any longer.

Nilla went to the Rainbow Bridge on March 17, 2023, at 5:30 p.m. It was an emotional, yet cathartic day for Terrie and me. We were completely satisfied that, in the end, we listened to what Nilla had, in her own way, been telling us for months.

I hope that this blog post offers peace, comfort and knowledge to pet owners facing that most difficult, heartbreaking decision.